posted this to my y!gallery account, but I felt the need to post it here as well.

First off, happy belated 2009 everyone!!!

What's up with me? Well, I'm still job searching. Gah, the economy sucks right now so I dont have much luck....

Anyways, with so much free time, I'd thought I'd go back to the basics of learning how to draw, color, etc. With my 2-3 year hiatus of not drawing, that long break has helped washed away most of my insecurities pertaining to drawing. And it has definitely change the way I look at my own drawing abilities. I draw mainly for the emotive aspect of art. Art for me (and still is) an expression of one's self. My self was insecure, emotional, moody and/or contradictory. Do I draw for myself or do I draw to please other? And how to balance that out with school and work? I couldn't and it stressed me heavily, heavily enough that I went on that 2-3 year hiatus.

Even tho I told myself last year that I'd give drawing a try again, who was I fooling? I wasn't ready to come back and draw.

Now that school is out of the way, I have more time for myself now. I feel like I'm starting from ground zero again and it feels good. It feels like a large burden have lifted off me. And because of that, I can think now with no restraint and pursue what I've wanted to do, which is to make comics.

I'm not an artist, I've learned. I hate painting pictures and I suck at coloring (and knowing my weaknesses, I practiced to become better) and I didn't like to draw that much either. However, I was more interested in lineart, shape, layout and composition. Most importantly, I was interested in expressing an idea but I didn't want to just write it out. That was too boring for me, I wanted it with pictures, kind of like a movie. That's what I liked so much about manga when I first saw it. It was like film, but on paper and instead of sound, there were words. The idea of manga representing film in a 2D way fascinated me. And I want to do that, create something similar.

I dont know what the comic/manga stand is here in the States since I no longer follow the anime/manga trend. But I dont think comic/manga artist is well recieved here. I think people still go for Japanese, Korean or Chinese comic and over to American "super hero" comics instead of original ones. However, I dont know how the originals are like here either. Are they better than they were before or still the same? For now, I feel that gaming is more 'in' than comics. Being an illustrator for games and comics seem a good route for those of you who like to color and paint. Will original comic ever make it big here like in Japan, Germany and other Euro countries? I really don't know...

I think my ultimate dream come true would be a manga artist, creating manga in the Japanese language for a Japanese audience because that's where I started..with Japanese comics ^^ Ah, but it's just a dream. Dunno if I can handle the cultural differences or that strong work ethic, LOL

Well, I feel that I've grown up and matured. And I want my art to reflect this, reflect it in an honest but confident way. Not in the rebellious yet still complying manner I still had when I was drawing random doodles. My emo years has gone out the window. I understand now that I draw for myself. And I couldn't have understand it if I didn't go thru the experience of bitterness that gave way to self reflection.

Now it's time to improve, so 2009 is a year of improvement for me

Goals for 2009 in no specific order:
- improve in drawing
- continue current comics
- improve in Japanese
- improve making doll clothes
- find a steady job

Lets hope this year is better than 2008